Seuraavat vitsit ovat paikallislehdestämme Bay of Plenty Timesista. Toivottavasti nautit niistä.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, " Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doctor, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted: "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied: "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

On a tour of NZ the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at the Whakatane Heads in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore. A helpless man wearing an Aussie rugby jersey and hat was struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 5m shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a waka came cruising up with two men wearing All Black jerseys. Kora quickly threw a harpoon into the shark's side. Hohepa reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Aussie from the water. Then, using long clubs, Kora and Hohepa beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard there was some bitter hatred between NZ and Australia, but now I have seen with my own eyes that it's not true." As the Pope drove off, Kora asked "Who the hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Hohepa replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well," Kora said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know anything about shark fishing... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Aussie?"

A well-worn $1 bill and a similarly-distressed $20 bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The $20 bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 proclaimed. "Why, I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway and even a cruise in Caribbean." "Wow!" said the $1 bill. "You've really had an exciting life!" "So tell me," says the $20, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" The $1 bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Babtist Church, the Lutheran Church." The $20 bill interrupts: "What's a church?"